Cabmen Notices Dec 2015

(in homage to J.B.Morten of the express for his column Beachcomber that inspired this column) 

The most worshipful Antiluvian Order of Huntingdonshire Cabmen hereby announces the annual Christmas awards to the order as follows:

For work in the Community - In association with Bogcare co ltd - Inter continental incontinence care.
1st Prize of £300 of sanitary products and the Crapper Gold Cup goes to:
Lady Catherine Constance-Falsetto KCB for her work with autistic spaniels.

2nd Prize of £100 of sanitary products and a weekend in Falmouth
Mrs Prunela Pemberton-Cheeseboard for her work with the Radio for the deaf association UK.

3rd Prize of two weeks in Falmouth
Master Sidney Bridge. For his work with Agricultural Implements and Mole Husbandry.

Special Announcements:
RIP:
Sadly at home on Tuesday last while heating the bath water with a toaster Cabman Hubert Crumbles suddenly went over and passed on. Service next Tuesday week at St Grunts, Mounds by the Sea Herts. Flowers only please.. No confetti.

Births:
Susan Amply-Rampant and Master Cabman Quinton Amply-Rampant announce the birth of their son Mandible 4 lbs and 6 ounces. At St Grunts NHS Truss. Confirmation was performed by Matron.

Marriages:
Master Cabman Henderson Himmler-Spandau Ballet and Winglet Himmler Spandau Ballet are proud to announce the engagement of their Daughter Splatula to Master Pewter Strangulated Hernia. Bands to be read at St George and the Badger, Hampstead-Pogues. Essex. Money only, any denomination welcome.

Prime Cabman Phillip Huge VC and Bar and wife Clamydia are proud to announce the marriage of their daughter Grace to Master Disney Pratt at Wimbledon dogs track Tuesday next, a pie and mash reception afterwards at Sid's Cafe the High Street. Bring your own plate and eating irons.

Late news:
The Brotherhood is sad to announce the recent death of Cabman Humphrey Cart following an altercation with his wife Burt. The Police announced that his remains can be viewed (tide permitting) twice daily off the pier at Southend-on sea. Mrs Cart is helping the authorities with their inquiries. Donations to the Royal National Lifeboat Institute to assist in the bodies recovery please.