1978 Really! OMG

So the other day I am toodling down the road with Bob the dog listening to local BBC Radio, or as I call it Radio Worzel when on comes Abba Summer time city and its 1978. I turned up the volume and there I was boogeying away with the dog looking at me with that "here we go again,keep this up and ill bark".It is amazing to think how music can summon up memories and in my mind it was 1978 and as plain as day I could remember the first time I heard that tune. I was at RAF Guttersloch germany with my unit. Well actually we were not at the camp we were on the razz down town. Big Al, Tiny, SJD and me getting more than our fair share of pills and sausage down following yet another week of playing silly sods in the forests of Germany perfecting the art of trying to stay alive long enough to get the Harriers away before the Russians blew us to bits. Theses annual war games came as part of our very hectic routine that meant we frequently were away from home (wherever that was) for nine months of any year. Out of area operations could mean a trip to Australia or Belize, UN missions meant dropping rice bags on hungry Ethopians or it might be a Ace mobile force job to Norway or Turkey.  Then just for fun a three month job playing silly sods in Northern Ireland with the Helicopter force. It was all go and not many of us to go around. So we worked hard and we played harder.

This particular day we had been enjoying the bars of Guttersloch and nearing the end of our cash headed back to the Taxi stand and got a cab back the the main gate. All the way back Al was heaving and trying to keep it down. The driver noted this in his rear view mirror and speeded up. So did Al, then so did the taxi driver.. Soon we were blasting along at silly speed with Al turning greener by the minute. I sat in the front next to the driver grinning like an idiot SJD and Tiny in the back and either side of Al were dozing off oblivious to the possible eruption about to happen between them.

With a screech of tyres that Schumaker would have been proud of our Taxi arrived at the front gates and we all tumbled out. Al just made the door and puked up a fortune on the pavement. Once out the Taxi Driver just took off with the back door still open and not having the fare I still had in my hand. Indeed, he nearly took my hand off as it was passing the cash through the window when he hit the gas. I pocketed the cash looked at Al retching for Britain at gold medal level and the two idiots grinning and slapping his back. Then I turned around just in time to see two very big RAF Policemen walking over from the main gate. I said "nothing to see here Constable" and tried to look out of one eye kind of sideways in order to steady the view. "Been having a little fun then lads" said one of the Policemen from under his slashed Peak Cap and Tiny (6foot 7inches in his socks) said "I aint saying nothing till I speak to my solicitor".

Today I gave a lift to someone from Lancashire......erm.....they are not normal at the best of times. Most folk give simple directions, ie turn left, turn right, go around the roundabout and take the third exit or stop here and point helpfully. Not this one. This one had a marvelous economy with words, most of which had no actual meaning. IE "Gu Rate ear" Now before you think Rate is right... no.... "Rate ear" means Go where indicated so "Go Rate ear" could mean left or right or Rate around Sorry Right around the bloody roundabout, but even that is a bit of guess as no indication with digit or hand is given to clarify just Wear ear is to gu!. So remember dear reader Rate Ear means left or right or completely around unless its covered by "gu round" (massive pause and then) "rate ear" . Which could mean anything really. But above all else watch out for "Go by ear now" that means park up!.......Possibly ................er.... I think? Ohh, nearly forgot "Go rate on" means follow the road, or dont turn off (usually given after being told to Go rate) and as a correction. My favorite of course is "go rate ear round over then go ear now". Erm... spot on!