List of Huntingdonshire Cabmen Special Notice 9th February 2016

The extraordinary general council of worshipful Cabmen met in secret session at their secret head quarters  last night at 23, Orchard Crescent, West Ham Sandwich, Kent, KN12 1UN. Telephone: 0817 65231 just behind the Heavenly Sedated  Lizzard in a Basket,Chinese take away on the High Street.  

By a majority of 4 to 3 the motion was passed and will be enacted the day after Shrove Tuesday, or Ash Wednesday, but before Beach Thursday and no later than Oak Friday. 

Her Most Worshipful Excellence Archdeconese Lady Constantine Ocelot-Vole DFS, IKea and Bar was audited for passing the port the wrong way around and censored to one months TV remote confiscation. Remedial sentence is to be concurrent with her care in the community radio tagging order and ASBO. Anyone seeing her wondering aimlessly around West Ham Sandwich are to report her location to the dog warden immediately. 

Entry was later graciously allowed for the new High Worshipful Non-Synchromesh Members to pass into the low chamber. Enthroned were:

Master I. Blaster  of Tavistock 
Herman Crest-Fallen of Westphalia 
Clarence Tremendous-Burk and his wife Almighty 
Witherington Dither-Bladder
Spencer Spoonbill-Benttrousers 

IT News:
Following complaints of exploding triophonic gander frames and a near fatal subtaneious flabber gland extrusion incident at our Middleton-Ganderwick sub office it has been decided that no further remedial action will be taken with the Megga Brain 500 series currently in service. Replacement systems will be forwarded following the usual ten year tendering, field trials and prolonged negotiations. 

Births Marriages and Deaths
No one did any of the above. 

However, Mrs Violet Chemical-Additive nee Smyth-Fumble reported in our May issue as the recently demised spouse of Colonel Turgid Wetherspoon Chemical-Additive DSO, OBE blah blah blah and bar. Was pronounced dead at the Goose in the Gusset Inn, Give it one in the Gorse, Oxon. Last tuesday week following a very one sided and brief intercourse with a large Riley 1500 ( property of A. Bent-Fender) in the pub car park. However, this was wrongfully reported, being based soley on her lack of breathing. It later transpired she was simply stunned and came around during the pudding. Our sincere thanks are extended for Violets remarkable recovery. Anyone wishing to see the autopsy report are directed to last months copy of Horse and Hounds for sale column. 

Mrs Violet Chemical-Additive in happier times.. Get Well soon Violet. (Picture taken during her rehab last June following her much publicised gin problem!!!) Game Gal!