Address from the Rt Rev Alfonse Loose-Globe DMC, MFI and Clasp. Vicar of St Bernice the confused.
May the peace of Jehova and the fellowship of the golf club be amongst you and with you within and without us all as we spring forward to pastures new. Tis with some considerable pain that I sat this morning and after a brief interjection was removed by the Deacon I moved on to safer ground and once more took on my pastural duties. Not with standing or indeed sitting in judgement, as one does. upon my ass I wondered high and low and eventually found an open A&E where I was bound in honey and vinegar due to a lack of elasterplast and thanks to cut backs. Once returned unto the fold I showered, removed the flies that stuck to me and again found the favor of the Lord in all his works by gazing upon the west vestry window, now repaired by Jack Slob of Everrest Windows Bogchester tel : 761987 after Reginald Spencer Pest had broken said pane with a cricket ball last year.
As we approach Middlemass Springus Magna I could not but think of Frederick's Letter to the Corinthians contained in Fred 6 chp 2 to 5 inclusive in the revised book of Fred concerning his thoughts on mustard and rhubarb poltice making during lent. Little is known of the reply from the Corinthians bombarded as they were at this time by missives from many Apostles. St Berts Letter concerning colonic irrigation and fish oil as treatment for a minor squint being one such letter now lost to time.
And having thought on these subjects at some length I passed on to this weeks forthcoming Bi monthly annual mattress platting and bulb polishing display by the Blatherwyck Women's Institute and Vehicle Recovery Group.
Last years event was most memorable for the standard of polishing and in particular the efforts of Gladys Buttock nee Elbow. Gladys what is your secret? It must be in the wrist action. Let us hope the poor bulb crop this year and let us not forget that the comitant and or concomitant) strabismus is a deviation that is the same magnitude regardless of gaze position. Noncomitant (or incomitant) strabismus has a magnitude that varies as the person or indeed persons shifts his or her gaze up, down, or to the sides of the bulb in question! Which doubtless may effect the outcome. I know I dose?
Be that as it was or may in the future be I leave you mediums out there with this thought.....?
Monthly Notice Board
Welk appreciation society has been sadly cancelled this months Welk Curry Night due to an outbreak of welk poisoning. Those of you who may have suffered from violent flatulence and projectile involuntary defecation are no doubt aware of it and need no reminder to seek shelter and or reconstructive surgery.
All other events are as planned unless they have been cancelled. Please feel free to find out on the night.
Births, Marriages and Deaths.
Births:
Following a prolonged delivery in which time was taken to serve lunch at the Bogwort on Muse Cottage Hospital a Daughter Darf to Mr and Mrs Vader.
Marriages:
Master Hardy Mount and Miss Shandford Hand-Shandy at the Bogchester register of deaths office tuesday next. Any rice should be donated pre-cooked and donated to the curry evening planned for last wednesday.
Deaths.
Soon to be arranged for Eric Spume estranged Husband of Elsie. Missing since the Hunt Ball along with Sian Humber-Staffcar now belived to be in Cyprus.
Note:
All items for the bring and fling skip are to be checked into the following bins.
Brown. Brown items but not gravy.
Green. Green Bottles and Brown Bottles but not clear bottles if the grey bin is full.
Purple Bin
Clothes and shoes between size small and x large shoe size 11 only. All other shoes are to be placed in size order by the raised barrier.
Orange Bin
For really gay clothes that even you Brother Vermillion the Gay wouldnt wear.
Black bin
The habit of placing dead bodies in this bin will stop immediatley its not funny. Even though the Coop Are now charging over £7K for a straw coffin and a box of swan vestas. Its not funny and it smells.
Canal shaped bin. For all bicycles, prams and unwanted household pets.
Kind of Apple with a hint of magnolia bin:
For all household appliances with an R in the month and ironing boards only please.
Late closing sunday - free entrance. Exit £3. Refreshments will be available by the black bin. Please take your litter home with you.
" Do you ever wonder... I know I do. Sometimes I wonder for miles and it was during my wonder that I recently thought (a first for me) and went home really shagged out. No I mean really!
HOWEVER.
Soon it will be time again to vote for someone to go forward and backwards daily to the London on Thames and live in the house of Commons and be paid £74000 a year and lots of lovely expenseseses to be your voice and stuff. I know I would like that and I hope you would like that two or maybe even three. So, if you like our policy on jam and spoon bending, Water cress as a way of life, Self errecting ladders and an end to carpet burns Vote Elmer Battersea-Thud. I know I will. Thanks for watching!
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