First Gear
Kendle Mint-Cake
Sandra Spoon
Agnes Plumpness
Stephanie Squid
Second Gear
Mandrake P Hermitage-Tit
Wilson Humpback-Whale
Drag the Druid
Evan Evans
Third Gear
Mandy Moon
Graham Gradual-Incline
Wonder Wobble-bottom
Fourth Gear
Linda Lips
Sidney Syrup
Elspeth Elongated-Hernia
Fifth Gear
Trevor Tragic
Poly Gon
Pavlo Pavement
Eradicus Fallowfield
Overseas chapter
Wilbur Neanderphalis USA
Blastfart the terrible Tibet
Count Siegfried Von Largebratwurst-mit-Prom Fritz Germany
Inoff the Red Russia
Court notices:
RIP:
Terrence Totally-Toasted. At Burnley Crematorium Tuesday Last. Late donations to British Heart foundation.
Sandra Partially-Charred. - Ditto - Flowers only please
Marriages:
Edward Knee and Edwina Fumble announce there engagement. Bands going up at All Saints Wetherington-on-Sea.
Marriage of Wilson Brian Arbutnot Undergarments and Wendy Windpipe at St Crabbs in the field.
Births:
Marlow and Mandy Minge - a boy - early at Teddington Lock Suggestions to Points of view BBC TV Center W1.
Sunday, 20 September 2015
Saturday, 19 September 2015
With due Homage to John Cleese for the following
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.
A final thought – ” Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC”.
War and Peace
In 1983 I was posted to Cyprus arriving just as the US Marines arrived alongside the French and Italians in order to go and sort out the mess the Israelis had left in Lebanon. I was sent because of my particular skill sets to work as RAF liaison based on board the US Iwo Jima and Guam, both US Marine assault carriers. I had a grandstand view of what followed. The Iranian/Syrian backed Hezbollah was on the rampage fighting the Druze and Israeli backed Christian Phalange groups, the later had only recently had been involved with Israeli approval in going into the refugee camps on a slaughtering rampage. Maggie Thatcher and Ronald Reagan were the heads of state for the UK/US back then and sent a task group along with the French and Italians to sort the mess out.
It was a fascinating three month med cruise and to my eyes an impressive use of massive gun boat diplomacy that got absolutely nowhere. We even had a second world war battleship the USS New Jersey and used it on several occasions to great visible effect but little impact on the problem we were there to solve. I think Beirut was the first modern conflict in some ways. We had factions who hated each other and a region with massive religious and ethnic/cultural divisions that had been cobbled together by the French after the first world war. But without the Turkish Empire, the previous owners, to impose peace. It all unraveled as most of these places eventually do and continue to do! So, used to conflict were the people of the Lebanon by the time we got there that no amount of force would stop the killing. Funnily however Dallas the TV show would stop them. It was transmitted on Middle East TV at 6pm everyday and that was the only time the fighting stopped and folks could shop and get a breather for an hour.. We called it the Dallas hour! Once the show was over the fighting started again.
It is now a much worn story as along the way all the multi national force took severe casualties and the US Marines 299 killed and many wounded in a Hezbollah truck bomb.. Probably one of the first major suicide bomber attacks and proof in my mind that we just added to the casualty list by being there. It would not be the last time I felt that way as the next 30 years of conflict unraveled before my increasingly cynical eyes.
Somalia was the same story of massive force being defeated by asymmetric warfare and still it goes on. I often wonder if we do more harm than good by trying to impose peace by half hearted attempts at force of arms. These religious cultural wars - lets call them Tribal wars - are really civil wars in the hardest terms. Long held blood feuds and cultural fractures are drivers that flare as peoples once oppressed by greater empires release tensions long oppressed in a blood fest.
In Ireland we (the British) tried pretty much everything to get the tottering peace we currently have.. But, it is a truth not well known that the IRA had to be beaten to the table when in the late 80s the gloves came off and the British really went to town on the IRA and caused them significant casualties. So, perhaps Carl von Clausewitz had it right in the 18th Century when he said ironically "A conquer is always a lover of peace"
Given the nature and probable outcome of the problems in the middle east I see no reason why it will not get a hell of lot worse before it burns itself out and the people of that region settle for peace.. For how long depends just a much on the nature and force of the peace imposed as it does on the will of the people to have peace.. Sadly!
I think peace should be a cause best left to those able to impose it and who understand the implications of loosing it. once again Clauserwitz had it right when he said "to secure peace is to prepare for war". It would seem the Russians are doing just this in Syria, as this is written and we shall see how much "peace" those at war in Syria can take before getting the message and settling for an imposed peace.
In conclusion, I think the world lacks the will and the forces to impose peace on most of Africa and the Middle East, but the fall out from it in suffering, refugees and its consequent impact on Europe may change this.....I hope it does...because I can see nothing but pain and suffering unless peace is imposed by force. Given how little these groups actually fear the forces of peace (for want of a better word) I wonder how much horror must be unleashed upon them before peace prevails.
So, why did we fail in Somalia and Lebanon? Same reason as Vietnam really, lack of conviction, wrong tactics and not taking on the opposition with a total focused offensive spirit designed to totally crush them. War can never be waged half way. Its either total or fails.
Sad but history proves it.
It was a fascinating three month med cruise and to my eyes an impressive use of massive gun boat diplomacy that got absolutely nowhere. We even had a second world war battleship the USS New Jersey and used it on several occasions to great visible effect but little impact on the problem we were there to solve. I think Beirut was the first modern conflict in some ways. We had factions who hated each other and a region with massive religious and ethnic/cultural divisions that had been cobbled together by the French after the first world war. But without the Turkish Empire, the previous owners, to impose peace. It all unraveled as most of these places eventually do and continue to do! So, used to conflict were the people of the Lebanon by the time we got there that no amount of force would stop the killing. Funnily however Dallas the TV show would stop them. It was transmitted on Middle East TV at 6pm everyday and that was the only time the fighting stopped and folks could shop and get a breather for an hour.. We called it the Dallas hour! Once the show was over the fighting started again.
It is now a much worn story as along the way all the multi national force took severe casualties and the US Marines 299 killed and many wounded in a Hezbollah truck bomb.. Probably one of the first major suicide bomber attacks and proof in my mind that we just added to the casualty list by being there. It would not be the last time I felt that way as the next 30 years of conflict unraveled before my increasingly cynical eyes.
Somalia was the same story of massive force being defeated by asymmetric warfare and still it goes on. I often wonder if we do more harm than good by trying to impose peace by half hearted attempts at force of arms. These religious cultural wars - lets call them Tribal wars - are really civil wars in the hardest terms. Long held blood feuds and cultural fractures are drivers that flare as peoples once oppressed by greater empires release tensions long oppressed in a blood fest.
In Ireland we (the British) tried pretty much everything to get the tottering peace we currently have.. But, it is a truth not well known that the IRA had to be beaten to the table when in the late 80s the gloves came off and the British really went to town on the IRA and caused them significant casualties. So, perhaps Carl von Clausewitz had it right in the 18th Century when he said ironically "A conquer is always a lover of peace"
Given the nature and probable outcome of the problems in the middle east I see no reason why it will not get a hell of lot worse before it burns itself out and the people of that region settle for peace.. For how long depends just a much on the nature and force of the peace imposed as it does on the will of the people to have peace.. Sadly!
I think peace should be a cause best left to those able to impose it and who understand the implications of loosing it. once again Clauserwitz had it right when he said "to secure peace is to prepare for war". It would seem the Russians are doing just this in Syria, as this is written and we shall see how much "peace" those at war in Syria can take before getting the message and settling for an imposed peace.
In conclusion, I think the world lacks the will and the forces to impose peace on most of Africa and the Middle East, but the fall out from it in suffering, refugees and its consequent impact on Europe may change this.....I hope it does...because I can see nothing but pain and suffering unless peace is imposed by force. Given how little these groups actually fear the forces of peace (for want of a better word) I wonder how much horror must be unleashed upon them before peace prevails.
So, why did we fail in Somalia and Lebanon? Same reason as Vietnam really, lack of conviction, wrong tactics and not taking on the opposition with a total focused offensive spirit designed to totally crush them. War can never be waged half way. Its either total or fails.
Sad but history proves it.
Tuesday, 15 September 2015
The Corbyn Factor
Soooooooooo, Its started already. One day into it and the media are cuing up to pour scorn on every move the new shadow cabinet make. My goodness Jezza has them panicking. The Tories are telling us we will be dead within the week and penniless within days if Corbyn is allowed to breath and the shiny Blairite suit and tie brigade are deserting the front benches for the shires while plotting his downfall.
Stay tuned folks and watch how the vultures of the media circle and pounce upon anything the shadow cabinet does..Naturally, if they do well then stand by for the media making it up as they go along in order to bring them to heel. How long do you think it will be before we find that Corbyn is related to Lenin or Che? Or, his Aunt Maude was a fascist black shirt in the 30s.
Well I for one wish him well in his attempts at sorting out the sorry mess our Parliament has become and particular good luck in stamping on the smarmy sods who even now have not paid back the money they stole from you and me in the expenses scandal. 24 members of parliament found guilty of mall practice have still to pay back what they owe and indeed have had their debts written off. Why, because to chase them would cost more than its worth apparently. My Goodness me try that one on with a power company or the bank. Good luck Mr Corbyn in making those we elect responsible to us for what they do.. Any chance of sorting out and publishing the Iraq war report please, or what actually happened to Dr Kelly? You might even start by putting a few of the previous labour party cabinet on trial.. Just a thought.
In Hungary and other places along the migrant/refugee track there have been clashes it seems. In Hungary a crowd of some hundreds of local people gathered and stoned a refugee/migrant train in a station and its getting hotter in Munich it seems. However, as predicted they borders are being closed and Merkle has been told to shut up by the Bunderstag.
It will not end well unless the EU gets its act together and I dont see it doing that anytime soon. A very great pity because at the end of world war two with millions of displaced people on the move we did a good job all things considered. Now with a fraction of the problem in real terms it seems beyond stupid not to seize the nettle and sort this problem out before it becomes a cock up of biblical proportions.. As it will !
Stay tuned folks and watch how the vultures of the media circle and pounce upon anything the shadow cabinet does..Naturally, if they do well then stand by for the media making it up as they go along in order to bring them to heel. How long do you think it will be before we find that Corbyn is related to Lenin or Che? Or, his Aunt Maude was a fascist black shirt in the 30s.
Well I for one wish him well in his attempts at sorting out the sorry mess our Parliament has become and particular good luck in stamping on the smarmy sods who even now have not paid back the money they stole from you and me in the expenses scandal. 24 members of parliament found guilty of mall practice have still to pay back what they owe and indeed have had their debts written off. Why, because to chase them would cost more than its worth apparently. My Goodness me try that one on with a power company or the bank. Good luck Mr Corbyn in making those we elect responsible to us for what they do.. Any chance of sorting out and publishing the Iraq war report please, or what actually happened to Dr Kelly? You might even start by putting a few of the previous labour party cabinet on trial.. Just a thought.
In Hungary and other places along the migrant/refugee track there have been clashes it seems. In Hungary a crowd of some hundreds of local people gathered and stoned a refugee/migrant train in a station and its getting hotter in Munich it seems. However, as predicted they borders are being closed and Merkle has been told to shut up by the Bunderstag.
It will not end well unless the EU gets its act together and I dont see it doing that anytime soon. A very great pity because at the end of world war two with millions of displaced people on the move we did a good job all things considered. Now with a fraction of the problem in real terms it seems beyond stupid not to seize the nettle and sort this problem out before it becomes a cock up of biblical proportions.. As it will !
Monday, 14 September 2015
Terms of endearment
I could not believe my ears this morning when the radio news informed me that the care commission (presumably a commission that cares?) had inspected a care home in Yorkshire and found it to be homely, but the terms of address were inappropriate. Such terms as:
Dear
Love
Cherub
and one Lady who requested to be called "Parsnip" (her family nic-name) and was so called by the staff. All these were found to be inappropriate. God help us!
Firstly, its Yorkshire they are forms of endearment in common use and should be a comfort to elderly folk used to using them all their lives.. Lighten up care commission.
When I was a kid I was addressed as far worse than that and you have no idea the bond that can be established by being called:
Me duck
Pet
Pudding Chops
Wee Bear
All the above being nice ones. In later life i was frequently called worse and still am, but in good humor and by friends. There I suppose is the rub.. Once again Liberal inclusionism gone mad. We must all conform.. Well, no we must on no account do so. As long as it causes no offence to "normal" folk we should not conform. Long established forms of address totally have a place in the culture from where they come and should be applauded. I for one would hate to be addressed formally in a care home by the staff who when all said and done can be the only family old folk have and in my case probably will be. Call me what you like ducks..Ill take no offence, long as I know your a gud-un!
See, thats the point! Its what you have in your heart that counts
Briefly, Sadly and predictably Germany and Austria are joining the list of European Nations putting up the fences and alerting their armies to control the influx of migrants/refugees now emboldened by social media and the media to tramp the fields to a safe heaven or better life.
Ironic that Merkel taps into popular feeling by flinging open the German Borders only to be told within days by the Bavarian and other impacted states to retract the offer and shut the doors. Anyone with half a brain could and did tell her that a mass influx of refugees/migrants would swamp the authorities and indicate to desperate people that now was the time to flee. And so it has happened.
I say ironic because Chancellor Khole in the 1990s did a similar thing by recognizing Croatia and prompting the start of the Bosnian Wars. It seems inappropriate verbosity and not thinking through the consequences is a German trait.
Once again; please Europe get a grip and rapidly get the rules sorted and then implement them. Its criminal what Europe is subjecting these people to and the southern countries impacted by this tidal wave of human misery.
Its one thing to make the news Madam Chancellor and brief popularity, but sometime your job is to look for a long term solution and it seems to me your not. Europe needs to get a grip.
Dear
Love
Cherub
and one Lady who requested to be called "Parsnip" (her family nic-name) and was so called by the staff. All these were found to be inappropriate. God help us!
Firstly, its Yorkshire they are forms of endearment in common use and should be a comfort to elderly folk used to using them all their lives.. Lighten up care commission.
When I was a kid I was addressed as far worse than that and you have no idea the bond that can be established by being called:
Me duck
Pet
Pudding Chops
Wee Bear
All the above being nice ones. In later life i was frequently called worse and still am, but in good humor and by friends. There I suppose is the rub.. Once again Liberal inclusionism gone mad. We must all conform.. Well, no we must on no account do so. As long as it causes no offence to "normal" folk we should not conform. Long established forms of address totally have a place in the culture from where they come and should be applauded. I for one would hate to be addressed formally in a care home by the staff who when all said and done can be the only family old folk have and in my case probably will be. Call me what you like ducks..Ill take no offence, long as I know your a gud-un!
See, thats the point! Its what you have in your heart that counts
Briefly, Sadly and predictably Germany and Austria are joining the list of European Nations putting up the fences and alerting their armies to control the influx of migrants/refugees now emboldened by social media and the media to tramp the fields to a safe heaven or better life.
Ironic that Merkel taps into popular feeling by flinging open the German Borders only to be told within days by the Bavarian and other impacted states to retract the offer and shut the doors. Anyone with half a brain could and did tell her that a mass influx of refugees/migrants would swamp the authorities and indicate to desperate people that now was the time to flee. And so it has happened.
I say ironic because Chancellor Khole in the 1990s did a similar thing by recognizing Croatia and prompting the start of the Bosnian Wars. It seems inappropriate verbosity and not thinking through the consequences is a German trait.
Once again; please Europe get a grip and rapidly get the rules sorted and then implement them. Its criminal what Europe is subjecting these people to and the southern countries impacted by this tidal wave of human misery.
Its one thing to make the news Madam Chancellor and brief popularity, but sometime your job is to look for a long term solution and it seems to me your not. Europe needs to get a grip.
Sunday, 13 September 2015
Following Huntingdonshire Cabmen List is approved for the week ending 11 September 2015:
First Gear:
H. Prune- Stone
Wenslydale Humpback-Whale
Prentice Pratt
Nelly Candlewick-Bedspread
Second Gear:
Ford Prefect
Austin Cambridge
Morris Oxford
Dennis Fire-Engine
Third Gear
Grand Wizard Hamilton Marsh-Gas
Terrapin Turps
Mandrake Mongoose-Pillion Snr
Hercules Plenty
Fourth Gear
Basil Thunderpants
Henrik The Dane (Scandinavian Chapter)
Graham Gradual-Incline
Fifth Gear
Trevor Horizontal-Azimuth
Lord High Poo-Bar and most masterful Beaker of the planet Arghhhhhhhh (Alien Chapter)
Lady Pringle Elspeth Derby-Dingbat. third countess of Dingbatshire twice removed current toilet role in waiting to HRH the Princess Royal of Spode and Crown Derby.
Spencer Led-Astray
Notices:
RIP
T. T. Roast (third gear)at the base of the stairs.. Tuesday last following a short trip. Flowers only to his wife Mavis.
Birth is announced of daughter to Ann and Mathew String-Vest at home with her socks on. Christening at St Staples the Stationers Wycombe on the 15th.
Other business:
Nil.
First Gear:
H. Prune- Stone
Wenslydale Humpback-Whale
Prentice Pratt
Nelly Candlewick-Bedspread
Second Gear:
Ford Prefect
Austin Cambridge
Morris Oxford
Dennis Fire-Engine
Third Gear
Grand Wizard Hamilton Marsh-Gas
Terrapin Turps
Mandrake Mongoose-Pillion Snr
Hercules Plenty
Fourth Gear
Basil Thunderpants
Henrik The Dane (Scandinavian Chapter)
Graham Gradual-Incline
Fifth Gear
Trevor Horizontal-Azimuth
Lord High Poo-Bar and most masterful Beaker of the planet Arghhhhhhhh (Alien Chapter)
Lady Pringle Elspeth Derby-Dingbat. third countess of Dingbatshire twice removed current toilet role in waiting to HRH the Princess Royal of Spode and Crown Derby.
Spencer Led-Astray
Notices:
RIP
T. T. Roast (third gear)at the base of the stairs.. Tuesday last following a short trip. Flowers only to his wife Mavis.
Birth is announced of daughter to Ann and Mathew String-Vest at home with her socks on. Christening at St Staples the Stationers Wycombe on the 15th.
Other business:
Nil.
Yeahhhh For Jezza Corbyn
I have to say I am socialist with a very small "s" and one would think the current crop of Blairites in Labour HQ would be just my cup of tea. But, they, in common with their greasy professional politicians and ever present add men, who inhabit no 10, really do leave me shuddering. Therefore, a promise of a return to clause four, public ownership of the railways and power companies is no bad thing in my mind. Plus and here is the big one for me, a proper conviction politician in his mums cardigan opposite Cameron in his Savile Row Suit at Prime Ministers Question time has my mouth watering with the prospect of Tory for dinner. Yum yum, go to it Jezza.
I may have to revise the size of the S soon, because the more I think of it the more I like the thought of an end to bankers influence and the injustices that see the old, sick, unemployed and poor having to suffer under rampant capitalism. Yes, up the workers.. Its time the Labour Party returned to its routes and the Blairites went and joined the Conservative party where they belong. Clear out the money lenders from the church! It must be my Miners routes coming out and having laid dormant since the strike. Granddad would be proud today.
Maybe its the start of something? Along with the socialists doing so well in Greece and Spain. Are the poor and disposed finding a voice? All those poor Liberals also found a cause? I hope so. . Could be the sound of the International may be heard at the Labour Party conference.
Of course the "smiley's" and add men currently doing a "Tessa Giles" in Labor HQ will be planning how to kill Jezza off before he can do toooo much damage, or more particularly give them the boot into more productive and possibly manual labor! So, I hope our boy has the "right stuff" because he has got a hell of a task on his hands.
So, congratulations to the millions who spent £3 to support him and I for one extend to him all the luck in the world with trying to bring a more humane and honest form of laborism to the commons and I hope to our lives. I really hope he can rock the commons and unify this country by making it a more fairer and equal place where we can be proud of looking after our old, sick and less fortunate and give a fair chance to all
Unless your one of the one percent who own 99 percent of the wealth? In which case I wish you a healthy income tax bill and on behalf of the poor thank you..
Probably time you shifted your fat greedy arse abroad?
I may have to revise the size of the S soon, because the more I think of it the more I like the thought of an end to bankers influence and the injustices that see the old, sick, unemployed and poor having to suffer under rampant capitalism. Yes, up the workers.. Its time the Labour Party returned to its routes and the Blairites went and joined the Conservative party where they belong. Clear out the money lenders from the church! It must be my Miners routes coming out and having laid dormant since the strike. Granddad would be proud today.
Maybe its the start of something? Along with the socialists doing so well in Greece and Spain. Are the poor and disposed finding a voice? All those poor Liberals also found a cause? I hope so. . Could be the sound of the International may be heard at the Labour Party conference.
Of course the "smiley's" and add men currently doing a "Tessa Giles" in Labor HQ will be planning how to kill Jezza off before he can do toooo much damage, or more particularly give them the boot into more productive and possibly manual labor! So, I hope our boy has the "right stuff" because he has got a hell of a task on his hands.
So, congratulations to the millions who spent £3 to support him and I for one extend to him all the luck in the world with trying to bring a more humane and honest form of laborism to the commons and I hope to our lives. I really hope he can rock the commons and unify this country by making it a more fairer and equal place where we can be proud of looking after our old, sick and less fortunate and give a fair chance to all
Unless your one of the one percent who own 99 percent of the wealth? In which case I wish you a healthy income tax bill and on behalf of the poor thank you..
Probably time you shifted your fat greedy arse abroad?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)










