Woman's Hour

Why cant we have a Man's hour on radio four. I love radio four but the morning is all collapsed arches and IVF. Not fair, sexist clap trap. How about mans hour from the shed in BBC Blue Peter Garden. Subjects are wood turning for beginners and how to mix french polish.

The Archers, I thought that was a typical country tale. Well, I live about as country as you can get and its nothing like life around here. We have a few odd balls. Sue for example who takes her horse for a walk, instead of riding it! Graham who lives in a huge old garage and has worn the same overalls since VE day.

But nothing like the bollox that is trolled out ever day on the Archers. Im not sure focus groups are the way ahead in creating the plot. Mind you it explains why  the plot always sounds like a load of women guardian, single issue feminist alternative vegans have put their wellies on to get "into the feel of it". Try asking a farmer sometime about life in the country, or Graham or Sue.. No... too dull?

Nice thing about being in the country is you can leave your washing on the line and if it rains someone will spot it and take it in. The first time this happened I thought someone had stolen me washing. About an hour later Peg from next door had folded it and brought it around. Bless her. Its stuff like that, that makes it a very good move living out here. I would say it reminds me of Britain circa 1960. But, with the advantages now of having proper drains. Mind you in Norfolk they say the place went to the dogs when they got gas. All the townies came in and brought the places up. Now locals cant afford to buy and most Norfolk towns are full of cafes, wine bars and antique cellars. We have chips shop, pub and second hand shops. I know which I prefer. We also have the highest number of Grammar Schools in the country, so whose daft then?

But my favorite story so far on country folk and townies was last winter when a Yuppie stuck a brand new Range Rover in a ditch and stood there practically in tears. I stopped and pulled over in my clapped out suzuki wondered over and as I approached the car a young farmers wife I know drove passed in her clapped out Astra. She took one look at the scene and wound down the window. "Steve she said can you get her out" I grinned "Spect so" I said. "get something you can drive yer silly cow" shouted the lass and drove off. I popped her into the right drive "marked Snow" and got her back on the road.

Senior Moments

Ever stuck a cup of tea in the fridge and found it a day later? Ever wondered why your in the bedroom with a lettuce? Your having a senior moment. I have them a lot these days. I found when I moved to Lincolnshire that I had time to stand and stare at the everyday things people take for granted. Trouble is I do it a bit too much sometimes and become one of the things myself.

Bob my dog has a very significant amount of good sense and allows me about five minutes before he sniffs loudly, which is cocker spaniel for "Time to move on old lad, or we will get a ticket".

As long as you never put him on a lead he is perfect to take for a walk. Just keep him away from cars as he has a bad habit of jumping into them and scaring folk half to death. If you open a door within two nautical miles of him, there will be a black flash and he is in and probably securing his seat belt before you scream.

He did this neat trick last week outside my house when a nurse visiting an elderly outpatient pulled up in her Mini opened the door and Bob dived over her into the passenger seat. Always up for a Mini adventure is our Bob. The Nurse however was not and probably had a damp seat for the rest of the day!

Back to the senior moments. Its amazing how often I go shopping and come out with totally the wrong things and not the things I went in for. Even when I go in with a list this happens. Besides being basically stupid, what is that about? I went in for Milk this morning and came out with the Sunday Times and a fruit and nut bar. Ive been drinking black coffee all day now.

Back of a fag packet!

I was standing and staring (something I do a lot now) and wondering at the beauty of design to be found in the natural world when it came to me that design in the human world is sadly lacking in form today. Everything seems lacking in dare I say grace?

I mused on the design icons of the last century and thoughts such as "if it looks right it will fly right" and "designed on the back of a fag packet" came to mind. Before computers, it seems to me, designers designed with pencil and blank sheet of paper. Great design always starts with someone musing and sketching, or used to as there was no other way. I love the way the Jaguars of the 40s turned into the e-type over time. Apparently at one point Bill Lyons asked the kids near his house what they thought of the XK150 he was driving and one kid said "dont like the back end mate.. too fat init". and thats probably why the E-Type has such a lovely bum!

In aircraft design R.J.Mitchell took his inspiration we are told for the Spitfire from the seagull. Indeed if you look at a spitfire you will be hard pressed to find a straight line. Great man was Mr Mitchell he died pretty much of exhaustion getting the Spitfire completed in time for the war he knew was coming.

Bill Lyons of Jaguar was famous for messing about with napkins and a pen. As was Issac Issigonis father of the mini and morris minor. Very interesting guy was Issigonis and a design guru. He worked for Lord Nuffield that great man who would not let the bean counters dictate price on his cheaper cars. He lost sixpence on every Morris Minor he sold because he wanted to keep the price down so that everyone could afford a good car. If it was not for Lord Nuffield half the University and Hospitals in Oxford would not exist. He lived in a very small house and was a genuinely nice guy.  Likewise Issigonis lived a modest life and was infamous for designing cars on the table linen in the staff canteen.

Lucky he did or we would never have been blessed with the Mini. But its not just the mini is it.

The London Cab the RMT London Bus, the Telephone box and mail box and many many more icons of the 20th century easily spring to mind. But what of note springs to mind after say 1970??

Besides a few bridges.....I cannot think of a really good design that stands the test of time? Even the old ocean going ships such as the QE2 have now been replaced by ships that somehow do not have the grace and form of the old girl. They have replaced form and grace with practicality and economy it seems to me.

Or, is it lack of courage in not telling the bean counters to shut up and go ahead and just do it. Would we now have the courage to design the Saturn Vb and go to the moon. The Saturn Vb was the largest rocket ever built and could only just support its own weight when full of fuel. It never ceases to amaze me that they flew to the moon with a computer with less memory than a modern pocket calculator on top of a semi controlled bomb. .

I was looking at a Range Rover and it is a case in point. The first Range Rovers had a functionality and one could see the point. The modern version looks like a mobile Cheshire mock Tudor estate complete with more lights than Blackool. Form has been replaced by a mobile brash statement of wealth bordering on tacky.

 I suppose simplicity of form and function has been replaced by aspiration now that we all strive to live in a world driven by not who we are but who we wish to portray. Mind you for the likes of me there is an upside. I get to drive the cars the public no longer consider worthy of their driveway or posing in. But more of cars another day.

My point is simply that with the exception of architecture, where there is still passion, I cannot think of an area of endeavor where the accountant can be pushed into second place by the designer.

Its hard sometimes to find something good.

Lest say your 60 got a bad case of this and that and basically disabled, through absolutely no fault of your own. Now lets say your a person who has just lost your long term partner. Now lets say your already paying the bedroom tax and you have had your sickness benefit turned into ESA. You have no savings (you spent all of those on food, rent and gas) and you have no dependents or people who will look after you as you deteriorate into old age.

So, you apply for Personal Independence Payments and get told that that will take the now privatised civil service six months to process. In the meantime your using wonga loans and food banks to survive. Plus, your lonely feel sad and not in the best of health. Still must'nt grumble eh!

Now imagine your marginalised by society for being old, ironic considering that same society will be old itself soon enough, and the health service you paid into all your life is crumbling at the seams because this overcrowded little island cant say no to economic migrants intent on a bit of free health care. Leaving you at the back of the cue to see a Doctor if you can get one.

How would you feel. Well, get used to it because one day you probably will be facing a situation even worse.

 Point is that unless we, that is all of us, start to take and interest in the other people around us then as a society we simply cease to be. Society implies being sociable, try it next time you see someone in need, or the person next door is sick. You never know we may get the hang of it and it could catch on. Wouldnt that be nice. There is no other way, because the Government sure as hell are not going to improve things.. Far from it, they have not even started on the austerity package they have tucked away.

Now I am no pulpit banging church goer, but I know a good man when I see one and Pope Francis has been daring to have yet another go at the utter stupidity of mankind and its hell bent drive into conflict. Its a shame no one listens, but the converted. Same with the Arch Bish of Cant.Bless him, he goes on about the terrors of a free market global economy and how the rich get richer and the poor get bloody poorer and he should know he was a city trader before seeing the light But, is anyone listening. Nope

We are a selfish breed and few listen and most have to experience a dollop of being poor before they "get it".

My ex runs a charity for kids with brain injuries and you would think that easy to generate funds for. No way, she has to adapt to the world the way it is and most of the money she manages to use for the children comes from shit head lawyers who chase ambulances. I guess in a way she is a poacher turned game keeper and in other ways a clever Robyn Hood. She takes from the rich by making them richer and gives the surplus to those in need. Tis a strange world when the Government we choose to look after us cannot look after the poor, the sick and those in need. So, what do they do???

Phones really area large pain in the arse... Every where one goes people are on the bloody things. Now you can have a virtual life on your hand top device and escape reality altogether. There is not a thing you cannot do with an Ap downloaded you could peel spuds or divert floods im sure. But, it cant get you a life.

Case in point a young girl I know very well (name with held for good reason) could not get a boy friend to save her life. Now she is a very good catch, funny, bright, affectionate, considerate, good cook and very pretty but it seems unable to find someone with a pulse and the ability to string a sentence together and have a conversation. She has to go on line and the nearest match lives 100 miles away... dear me, it seems our pursuit of the ultimate in communications has robbed us of the simpler way of face to face speech. how crazy to think one has to go 100 miles to find someone. I much prefer the old way of just meeting folk.

Without doubt the funniest thing I have seen for a while along these lines was a couple of months ago. I was in a dentists waiting room with about 20 other people. All were earnestly looking at there hands and the device therein. Not a word was spoken until a lady of about my age walked in, took one look around her, saw me and wondered over. She said "can I sit next to you, that lot scare me". We just chatted about this and that for the time it took to be called forward. It only struck me later how lucky I was. For I had met someone and simply chatted for a bit and the others had not and probably would not ever get to do that simple thing. They are, if you will, condemned to a life inside there own little bubble. They will never appreciate just what it is to be blessed with a normal upbringing free from bloody phones and be able to simply chat..

Have a phone free day sometime and see if you survive. If not worry!!!

Charles Kennedy RIP

Bad news today at the death of Charles Kennedy. Nice guy and an honest broker. The house of commons could do with more not less of his ilk. I remember when he resigned as leader (well pushed) because of his drinking problem. Bless him he carried a big burden. He could express ideas and touch the man in the street. He stood against the invasion of Iraq and won much support from the public on that issue. I for one totally agreed on his stand and to this day we are watching the horror of that terrible decision to invade Iraq with no clear exit strategy. The whole affair casts a big shadow over those involved and there is still much to question concerning Blair and Bush over the reasons for it.

Time will tell whether Afghanistan was a similar cock up of monumental proportions. A secondary effect of these interventions was of course a massive drain on the defence budget, a waist of lives and a legacy of wounded service personnel. The British Forces also lost its reputation as a major player when it had to be bailed out in Helmond and required the assistance of those it opposed in Basra to evacuate to the airport at the end of that ill advised expedition in Iraq.

Thursday:
I see the Conservatives are off to a good start with the budget cuts.. Austerity for the poor and tax cuts for the rich. Yes indeed, the peasants cant afford to revolt as they are all on Zero Hour Contracts, so the fat cats are home and dry. I wonder how long it will take for a revolt in the commons and morality overtakes party loyalty.. No time soon I bet. Nice to see one or two of the more morally robust MPs have decided to give their pay rise to charity. Pay rise, while Granny pays for the luxury of having a spare bedroom. Dear Lord where are we heading.

Peg my next door neighbor has a superb ability to make up new words. She has an infected ear and told me today that she had tititus and that a hot wheatbix had done the trick. She meant tinnitus and a hot wheatbag!

Still, it must be a common problem as I was told recently that "Lithuanian Batteries are good", Presumably Estonian ones are'nt or is a Baltic state wide thing?

I am trying to repress the urge to re-invent myself and or go abroad.. I think if it were not for my old mate Bob I would be abroad now. I have several invitations to take up and yet I am putting them off for some reason I am not sure of. One in particular is the urge to not be a burden, as most recently separated people can be. Nothing worse than a sad arse inhabiting your sofa for any length of time. So, presumably I am avoiding trips until I get my sense of humor back and my waist line. My God separation can have a devastating effect on ones diet and off course I cannot get used to cooking for one. The resultant portions are huge. Clever people would suggest freezing some of it. But im afraid all common sense fails when one cant be bothered really and the chip shop beckons. Easier on the washing up to.

Note to self: Clean the bathroom tomorrow. Thank God for my Service background.. God knows what the place would look like had it not been for the ministrations of my Drill Corporal and Sergeant who spent a good six weeks of my first year in the service throwing my kit and bed out of the window for reasons that were sometimes not exactly clear.

My Drill Instructor really did look like Ernie Bilko and his wit and repartee was equally up to his. I well remember him telling me that if my bed block (see pic) didnt improve I would be joining it on the grass in front of the block. Now as we lived on the second floor that was'nt option I much liked.

By far the best line he ever came out with was in about the second week when he stopped us on the square and broke down in sham crying. He grasped the Corporals shoulder to hold himself up as he said "Fuck me slowly, how can it be so hard..................all im asking you to do is walk smartly................I mean how hard can it be....im shouting left right left right and all that arsehole on the back row (me) keeps doing is left right left left left left... is he the missing link or something. Corporal do me a favor and take him away and kill him".

Ahhhhh happy days!

Bears are the best

Its "oh my God its early o'clock" and I cant sleep. Blogs are great for when you cant sleep. One can chunter away to no one in particular on any given subject till Bedfordshire beckons.

So, this mornings chunter is the importance, to me at least, of bears to the well being of the planet.

I naturally had a Ted with one eye and one ear back in my childhood and always had a massive soft spot for spectacle bears. But when Zoe arrived on the scene some 19 years ago I decided bears were going to be big in our house. Not only did we have a lot of bears, but we made a world of bears for Zoe to live in. Indeed, we became bears. I was Stevebear. Mum was Mumbear and Zoe was of course Zoebear. We had paws and not hands and walked on trotters for some reason. We had bear dinners and addressed each other with not hello, or good morning, but for another reason now lost in time "Row Row".

So, normal conversation went something like
"Row row Zozbear"
"Row Row Marbear hows your trotters?"
We also had signals and would row each other in the day on our mobiles to check that all was well.

Text send Row
Text Recv Row. Meant all is well. 2 Rows never to be ignored and two actual phone calls meant bear in trouble.

Then of course kids grow up and Teds get lost. However, one special Ted was in fact a Tiger. Named Micheal. And he was special in that Zoe had sucked one ear almost off and all his stripes. Micheal went on trips wherever we went and if one or other of us went away Micheal went with us. I could not see him thrown away and retrieved him from the bin bag. He sits now in my wee jeep and goes wherever I go. Loyalty to the family Tiger is essential in my view.

This is Micheal on a trip to Belgium. He is a well traveled Tiger.

And so to all you bears out there Row Row!

Brutal World

One has to wonder at the amount of violence there is in the world at present. I do not mean actual armed conflict, although that has increased ten fold since the end of the cold war, I mean common violence occasioned in every day life. Particularly being committed by women and girls. It seems to be the fashion now for women to sort problems with a good deal of violence while being filmed by "friends" for later internet consumption. The amount of this stuff on the internet is a worry to say the least. The gentle sex seem to be less so than at anytime in my history on this planet and is yet more evidence that something in society is out of kilter with the precept that we are supposed to be living in more enlighten times.

I suppose one could lay the blame at face book and its kind, which I am reliably informed  is the cause of one third of all assault's in the UK, but I think it is more a case of "Evil prospers when wise men do nothing"!

We could also lay the blame at Political correctness and human rights, erosion of basic standards of accepted behavior, lack of discipline at home and school, lack of self control and responsibility for ones actions. All true, but if we have no role models anymore then the lowest denominator will win it seems to me. Thus the pull if you will of violence. If you are being fed a diet of 24/7 violence in all its forms then it has to have an effect on formative and suggestive young minds. What this diet has done when mixed with religious extremism and intolerance is all too evident in much of the world. But thats a subject all of its own and perhaps for another day.

Well, time for a bit of light relief:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtmd8fCqJdo Cut and paste that.

Dont you love the Dutch. They are more English than the English. Really lovely sense of humor and I can honestly say I never spent a boring day in  Holland. You can always strike up a conversation on any subject. I once ended up in conversation (in English of course) with about five people at a herring store in Venlo. Also, i remember once we weighed my Mother on some big scales in the town house in I think Delft. We ended up with a certificate proving she was not a witch. It was touch and go mind you.

My Mother loved Amsterdam and I well remember he dancing with Dad to a street organ playing tulips from Amsterdam. That was back in the 1960s when the world was a bit less crowded and folk did things like that.

They like chocolate sprinkles with everything and a cafe on the side or the Izelmeer I used to go to always serves purple pears with everything..I have no idea why.

Rollmops are my particular favorites and dutch pom fritz with lashing of mayo go with a Heinekin, or Amstel very nicely.

Good King Billy is another reason to like the Dutch and of course the Dutch are the only nation to have really given the Royal Navy a good kicking twice. Once at the Battle of Texel and when they set fire to the Royal Fleet at Chatham.